Thursday, May 28, 2009
Yesterday and Today (昨日と今日は)
Yesterday I read all about North Korea on Wikipedia. Today I am reading all about Roe. v Wade. There is so much to know in the world! I wonder what I will read about tomorrow.
The Day Before Yesterday (Ototoi おととい)
I bought a new bicycle. She is an extravagance inasmuch as my old bicycle is perfectly functional. She was a bargain in that she was cheap. Especially bargain-some in that she is extremely gorgeous, much more than my old bike. Pinky (that's her name) also has a useful back ledge, the likes of which I have wanted for some time - good for carrying people or perhaps setting up a tv/dvd system so that, if I ride very slowly people walking behind me can watch movies.
Pinky New Rules (that's her full name) has changed my opinion of myself completely. I have dressed with much more care in the two days that I have had her. Because she is so pink and so beautiful, she stands out anywhere - if I am on her therefore I must surely be extra presentable since heads will be a-turnin.
I made a fool of myself twice in the hour it took to buy Pinky New Rules. Firstly, I tried to ask the man at the UFO home-store when he would attach the chain. A bike needs a chain after all. Luckily my Japanese is so rubbish that it was taking him a good long time to work out what I was talking about. In that time I worked out for myself that the chain is inside a convenient compartment. Amazing what they do on first-world bikes! I kept the revelation to myself and distracted the man with some banal comment so that he would never discover the depths of my Luddism.
Secondly, I was under the impression that I had to go and get Pinky registered at the police station in case she was ever stolen. Dutifully I headed off and spent a happy twenty minutes being amiable with three police officers that looked like huge action figures covered in more detachable accessories than any young boy could ever dream of. The most senior of the three saw to my case. He looked at my registration papers (issued by UFO-man) and my alien registration card - how extraterrestrial this all sounds, looking back. We hit a snag only when he began asking me when I bought the bike where the bike was and where my old bike was. I became guarded because dumping old bikes is, i suspect, a serious felony here and technically that was what I had done - I left it at the Lawson convenience store next to the UFO center. Oh, said I, the old bike is...somewhere. Yes, he persisted. Where is it? shit! I was going down - I broke into a sweat. Senior Action Policeman then called for back-up and brought in Junior Action Policeman, distracting him from his noble task of tippexing out a bathroom mirror in an architectural drawing of a men's bathroom (he was doing it with super-hero level precision). They discussed me and my case, seemingly to decide who would be good cop, who would be bad cop. Like hardened interrogators they kept asking, in slightly different ways - 'where is the bike?' . I could feel my story wilting. Finally I said 'the new bike is here! the old bike is at Lawson! please, please don't throw me in the slammer!' They looked extremely surprised and asked to see the new bike. ONly with pleasure sirs, she is after all, such a beauty! We went outside together and marveled over Pinky. Then we went back inside and Senior Action asked me for the number of my school and the name of my supervisor. I told him everything.
After speaking with my supervisor (laughing even when crime in Japan was, or so I thought, no laughing matter), he handed the phone to me. I was sure my supervisor would then gently explain the protocol for foreigners in Japanese prisons. 'You bought a new bike?' he asked
'Yes,' I sniffled, 'at the UFO home center.'
'Where is your old bike?' he asked.
'At the Lawson.' I said, trying to keep it all under control.
'So everything is OK?'
'Umm..yes. Everything is ok! I promise I won't abandon my old bike!'
'Why are you at the police-station?'
'Um...to register my bike?'
'It is already registered!' he laughed. hahaha! go home!
Relief washed over me. I was not going to be put away for attempted bike abandonment. I handed the phone back to Senior Action and backed quietly out of the police-box, their barked questions and secret laughter ringing in my ears. They had thought I was reporting a stolen bike and couldn't work out why seeing as I obviously knew the location of not one, but two bikes. And I had thought I was going down! Hahaha, Lost in Translation - what fun! Oh Pinky! The adventures we have had already!
Pinky New Rules (that's her full name) has changed my opinion of myself completely. I have dressed with much more care in the two days that I have had her. Because she is so pink and so beautiful, she stands out anywhere - if I am on her therefore I must surely be extra presentable since heads will be a-turnin.
I made a fool of myself twice in the hour it took to buy Pinky New Rules. Firstly, I tried to ask the man at the UFO home-store when he would attach the chain. A bike needs a chain after all. Luckily my Japanese is so rubbish that it was taking him a good long time to work out what I was talking about. In that time I worked out for myself that the chain is inside a convenient compartment. Amazing what they do on first-world bikes! I kept the revelation to myself and distracted the man with some banal comment so that he would never discover the depths of my Luddism.
Secondly, I was under the impression that I had to go and get Pinky registered at the police station in case she was ever stolen. Dutifully I headed off and spent a happy twenty minutes being amiable with three police officers that looked like huge action figures covered in more detachable accessories than any young boy could ever dream of. The most senior of the three saw to my case. He looked at my registration papers (issued by UFO-man) and my alien registration card - how extraterrestrial this all sounds, looking back. We hit a snag only when he began asking me when I bought the bike where the bike was and where my old bike was. I became guarded because dumping old bikes is, i suspect, a serious felony here and technically that was what I had done - I left it at the Lawson convenience store next to the UFO center. Oh, said I, the old bike is...somewhere. Yes, he persisted. Where is it? shit! I was going down - I broke into a sweat. Senior Action Policeman then called for back-up and brought in Junior Action Policeman, distracting him from his noble task of tippexing out a bathroom mirror in an architectural drawing of a men's bathroom (he was doing it with super-hero level precision). They discussed me and my case, seemingly to decide who would be good cop, who would be bad cop. Like hardened interrogators they kept asking, in slightly different ways - 'where is the bike?' . I could feel my story wilting. Finally I said 'the new bike is here! the old bike is at Lawson! please, please don't throw me in the slammer!' They looked extremely surprised and asked to see the new bike. ONly with pleasure sirs, she is after all, such a beauty! We went outside together and marveled over Pinky. Then we went back inside and Senior Action asked me for the number of my school and the name of my supervisor. I told him everything.
After speaking with my supervisor (laughing even when crime in Japan was, or so I thought, no laughing matter), he handed the phone to me. I was sure my supervisor would then gently explain the protocol for foreigners in Japanese prisons. 'You bought a new bike?' he asked
'Yes,' I sniffled, 'at the UFO home center.'
'Where is your old bike?' he asked.
'At the Lawson.' I said, trying to keep it all under control.
'So everything is OK?'
'Umm..yes. Everything is ok! I promise I won't abandon my old bike!'
'Why are you at the police-station?'
'Um...to register my bike?'
'It is already registered!' he laughed. hahaha! go home!
Relief washed over me. I was not going to be put away for attempted bike abandonment. I handed the phone back to Senior Action and backed quietly out of the police-box, their barked questions and secret laughter ringing in my ears. They had thought I was reporting a stolen bike and couldn't work out why seeing as I obviously knew the location of not one, but two bikes. And I had thought I was going down! Hahaha, Lost in Translation - what fun! Oh Pinky! The adventures we have had already!
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